


Finding Your Way

by ZaiaFantasy



Category: Stargate Universe
Genre: Angst, Destiny, Eventual Kink, Eventual Smut, Exploration, F/M, Love, M/M, Original Character(s), Outer Space, Smut, Stranded
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2018-10-10 00:41:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10425405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaiaFantasy/pseuds/ZaiaFantasy
Summary: Melanie Holtz finds herself stranded aboard the Ancient ship Destiny with countless others. She's not even supposed to be here and feels out of place among the others. She came to the Icarus Base for a reason and now she doesn't know what to do once they're stranded in space on a ship that's falling apart. (I'm terrible at plot summaries. I promise there is a plot and a point) - There will be canon elements, but will be mostly AU in later chapters. There will be spoilers, though. - explicit for violence and smut, also language.





	1. Feeling Useless

**Author's Note:**

> So bear with me through this journey of an original character inserted into the SGU world. I realize the concept of a main character OC can turn a lot of people off, but I enjoy the character and the things she adds to the world. It's not a self - insert, I promise, so please enjoy.

“Dr. Rush?”

The thoughtful frown turned into a scowl of annoyance as the scientist was turned away from what he was doing by the person calling his name. He didn’t immediately recognize her, seeing a large angry looking purple bump on her forehead above her right eye. She had a heart shaped face, long, wavy brown hair in desperate need of grooming after their rough initial start, and was wearing clothes that put her decidedly outside of the military. Her skirt fell to her knees and the top had short, capped sleeves. Neither disguised the muscles defined in her arms and legs. Maybe she was military…

“What is it?”

“Well, we’ve been on the ship for a few days now. I don’t think we’re going to be going home any time soon but no one’s given me anything to do. I want to help.”

“Were you with the Senator?”

“No.”

“Military, then?” Though that seemed impossible considering he knew everyone at the Icarus base. Her records had never popped up. He would have seen them as he hand picked everyone on his team at the base and looked at any potential hindrances to the name of progress in the rest of the base. She hadn't come up, he would have remembered her face. Those eyes, he turned his attention away from those. They looked nothing like Gloria's...

Why was he even thinking about Gloria?

“No, I’m not military.”

“Then who are you? What’s your name?” He was in charge here and needed to know everyone on his ship!

“Melanie Holtz.”

Holtz. “Major Holtz’s daughter?”

“Guilty.”

No wonder none of the military had tried to give her a task. Few dared to cross top brass like the Major, even in situations like this. It was likely no one knew what to do with her; she had no discernible skills that they knew about. All they saw was another daughter of another higher up. They only trotted out the old officer on special occasions when they wanted everyone to be intimidated. Still, the government allocated his funds for the project but it was Majors like Holtz that decided how much of that money he got. Not that it meant much at the moment but staying on her good side, should they return to Earth, might be to his advantage. That also meant at the moment masking his obvious contempt for being interrupted to spend a few moments talking to this girl that seemed to have no real reason to be on his ship or even in this room.

“Well, what can you do? Do you have any skills that can help us? You appear muscular.”

“I’m a gymnast.”

That wasn’t the most pertinent skill to have in a ship like this but maybe she could make herself useful by being flexible or climbing...something. He shook his head, an alert pulling him back toward his monitor. He studied the readings while she waited, playing a little with the hem of her blouse while he made a few adjustments, pressing buttons and generally ignoring the fact that she was there. When he looked up again he started at the sight of her, not knowing how much time passed between their last statements and then. He cursed, but that was for several reasons.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing I could make you understand in enough time to be useful.”

“I can try to help. I’m an extra pair of hands if nothing else, Doctor.”

“Your hands would be better offered to the Colonel.”

“I asked him! He told me to go back to quarters. I can’t just sit there or I’ll go stir crazy!”

He looked up, mildly annoyed that he had not been her first choice to ask for some direction, but also knowing that she was of little use to him during his work. There was still too much about Destiny that they didn’t understand. He was working double, triple time just to try to keep up with it all. It was equal parts exhausting and exhilarating. He would forever love this falling apart rust bucket, instantly in love from the first moment they met. 

“Miss Holtz,” he was trying to sound patient when he had no patience to really offer. “As you can see I have no need for you at the moment. When I discover something you can be of assistance with, I’ll be sure to let you know.”

Her smile fell when he dismissed her, turning back to his console screen. She nodded slowly, backing up a step or two before turning around. She left the room and was pretty sure he didn’t even notice she was gone and would promptly forget he was ever there. She moved down the corridor and saw Eli walking with Chloe toward the mess hall. Greer was walking toward the Gate room and barely looked sideways as she passed. Not many people tended to notice her since she didn’t know anyone to begin with. Truthfully, she shouldn’t have been there on the base to begin with but it was a little too late to dwell on that now. 

She moved to sit in front of one of the large picture windows that showed the universe flashing by faster than light. Everything was a blur or light and color but it was somehow soothing as she watched it flying by. This was never where she would have imagined herself in a million years. Sure, she'd done a lot of things in her life that other people wouldn't, or couldn't, but somehow ending up on a spaceship that was thousands of years old was not what she pictured. A gold medal, maybe, but a view like this?

She smiled out the window, reaching out to touch the pane of glass with one hand, musing about the irony of it. The military was treating her like glass, as they did with Chloe, only her father didn't make a noble sacrifice. He didn't even know his daughter was gone and she was scared to tell him. He would be so angry with her and stir up fire and brimstone on a ship already full of scared, panicked people trying to get her back. She was his legacy and she was raised hard by a man that knew no other life than the military. She grew up among the corps of soldiers who saluted and followed orders but she never felt a part of them, just as she didn't now. It was hard for her to reach out to them even with her familiarity of their ranks.

“Hello there.”

She whipped her head around to see TJ approaching.

“Hi.”

“I’ve seen you around but in the confusion I don’t think I got your name. It looks like you could use the company, if you don’t mind it.”

There had been other people to tend to with worse conditions than a nasty bruise. She hadn’t stuck around long enough to do a lot of talking once she was no longer dazed by being thrown into the gate room. She didn't want to be a bother to the already overworked medic. Their supplies were limited. Their time was limited. She was raised to be helpful, be useful, and try to stay the hell out of the way. She didn't have a lot of experience with other girls growing up, except for her fellow athletes and that life didn't allow for a lot of personal time. She was always in the gym, always working, disciplined as a soldier when it came to practice. Her father expected the best, so she tried to become the best.

“Melanie. Friends call me Mel.” What few of those there were.

“TJ.”

“I know. Thanks for doing what you could for this,” she motioned to her head. 

“No problem. There wasn’t much I could do but observe you. You ran out too quickly for me to do that.”

“Colonel Young needed you more than I did.”

“He was pretty bad off,” she agreed. “Still, I wish you had let me help you out longer.”

“I’m fine. I’m used to bumps and bruises. It’s the nature of the beast.”

“What beast?”

“The beast is the nickname of the gym I used to train at. I had dreams of the Olympics when I was younger. I got close but I never made it. I had hoped to try again before I retired but, well, here I am.”

“What was your event?”

“Gymnastics. I preferred the floor exercise. Anyway, I’ve fallen and hurt myself plenty. That’s mostly what the sport is, for people that don’t know.”

She grinned. The medic grinned back. There was a companionable moment of silence between them. TJ needed a break as much as anyone else on board, more so. Only Rush managed to work himself nearly to collapse pushing himself for hours without sleep. It almost wasn't human the way he focused and wouldn't relent.

“I didn’t see you at Icarus before. How did you end up here?”

“I, ah, that’s sort of a long story.” 

“I’ve got time.”

“My dad is a Major, Major Holtz. He helped organize the Icarus project. I kind of stole his clearance in order to transport to the base the day of the attack.” She held up the small, innocuous looking keycard. It had her father's picture on it and a code to scan to get into anywhere he had clearance to go which, she found in her years of exploration, was quite a lot of places. She was sure she saw things she was not allowed to see but somehow he always smoothed over her mischief making and she never really got in trouble for it. Her early signs of teenage rebellion were when he decided it was time she get serious in the gym, pushing her to work long hours to keep her out of his and the military's collective hair.

“Why? To meet the Senator?”

“No! I didn’t even know he was going to be there.”

“I don’t understand. Why did you come to the base? You had to have known you’d be caught.”

“You’d be surprised.” It wasn’t her first time sneaking off with her father’s credentials. “Anyway, I didn’t go there for the Senator. I came for Dr. Rush.”

“Rush?” Her eyes widened and she looked genuinely surprised. 

“When the project was first proposed he brought home all this paperwork, reports and such, and a lot of it was about Dr. Rush. I didn’t understand half of it, but the things he talked about, the Ancients, sounded so interesting I was engrossed in every paper dad brought home. I’d spent hours reading them, looking up what I could to understand half of what he wrote. I’m still not sure I understand it all, but I taught myself bits and pieces of Ancient and I...I guess I wanted to meet the man that made me so interested in his research.”

“So you beamed to Icarus to meet him?”

“Yeah. I was there a full day trying to find a way to talk to him but everyone was so busy about the Senator’s arrival I couldn’t get close. Then the attack happened and, well, here I am.”

TJ never thought in all her days that she would see someone who appeared to be a fan of Dr. Rush’s, let alone someone that read his research for fun. It was almost enough to make her want to laugh since she was almost certain that the scientist wouldn’t welcome the attention if he had it and if he knew he had an honest to God fan it would inflate his ego past any tolerable level. But the young woman seemed sincere.

“Have you spoken to him yet?”

“I tried. He was busy, understandably. I couldn’t interrupt him too much. I tried to offer to help him-” 

The blond scoffed. “Good luck with that.”

“He said no. Apparently gymnasts aren’t too useful to his work.”

“He’s a tough nut to crack. We’re all stressed. I’m sure it’s nothing personal. He grumps at everybody.”

More than one person had been at the end of his angry bursts and no one liked getting caught by them. He'd had no more pleasant a temper in Icarus and it was worse now that he was stressed and cut off from anyone that could be remotely useful to him. If he wasn't so brilliant or literally the best chance they had at understanding the ship and going home surely no one would have put up with it the way they did. Even so, there were moments that he did get what was coming to him by speaking to someone that wasn't prepared to take it. In those cases TJ patched him up and sent him back smarting, but no less belligerent.

“I know. I mean, I didn’t know before I got here but it’s pretty easy to see once you’ve been around him a few days.”

“Maybe if things calm down you can try to talk to him about his research. He’ll be condescending as hell, but that’s just part of his charm.”

“It seems like everyone has someone to talk to here. I feel a little bit like the odd man out. You’re the first person that’s really talked to me since we got on board.”

Not that she'd made much of an effort on that front. To her, it always felt like intruding which may not have been true, but it wasn't something she could change, either.

“Give it time. Chloe’s about your age, I think, and Eli, too.”

“I think so. I’m terrible with people’s ages. Most gymnasts look twelve but at actually in their twenties.”

“Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

“Thanks. I think I’m probably gonna go back to my quarters.”

“Alright. It was nice to meet you, Mel.”

"You, too. Thanks." She smoothed her skirt with her hands. "Thanks for talking to me."

"I mean it. Anytime you want to talk I'm here."

"I know." The medic got a bright grin for her efforts. "Goodnight, TJ."


	2. Close to Death

Things aboard Destiny were just confusing. Mel was beginning to try to engage the other crew members but no one could really see past the next disaster. The lump on her forehead had faded into something less angry and yellow looking, still discolored but not nearly as bad as it had been. She did what she could, injecting herself into orders to help, but there was still terribly little she could do. When the power failed…she prepared for the worst.

She hadn’t been chosen for the lottery, which didn’t surprise her, but she found herself scared and alone. Her father wouldn’t know what became of her. No one would, except those few on the shuttle, if they even remembered her name, and there was no way for them to tell anyone on Earth how she died. TJ was gone, she had no one to talk to. She followed Young, Eli, Chloe and Greer to the windows to see the shuttle off, praying for their safety. She heard Rush explaining how they would die, gasping quietly as she imagined it, tears gathering in her eyes.

She followed the scientist when he went off to read his book, catching him shortly down the hallway.

“You again?” He frowned.

“I was hoping we could talk, Dr. Rush, if you don’t mind? Imminent death and all…”

She looked scared and though he could be a grumpy bastard, the book was only mediocre and he wouldn’t consider it wasted if he never got to finish it. Though it was an annoyance, he was not a social creature by choice, he rolled his eyes and motioned for her to follow him down the hall to his quarters. They were a bit larger than her own and he motioned to the chair while he took a perch across from her on his bed.

“Well?” He prompted.

“I wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?” He frowned thoughtfully, wondering why. 

“For bringing me here on board this ship.”

“I didn’t bring you anywhere. I only dialed the gate in a terrible circumstance. We’re all here by chance.”

“Actually,” she took a deep breath before she continued. “You did. Not intentionally, but you did. The only reason I was at Icarus was for you.”

His blank, dubious stare spoke plainly of his confusion. He couldn’t imagine what she meant by this and put it off as some strange pre-death mental malaise. She quickly let the words tumble out to explain so he would at least understand why she was there. Praying she didn’t sound like some deranged person so that he wouldn’t misunderstand and be thankful they were dying before she could act out some scene in Fatal Attraction.

“So you see, I came here to meet you. I didn’t know what it would mean, in the end, but if I died and didn’t thank you for this…”

“For my work.”

“For inspiring me to do something, for making me curious! I didn’t mean to end up here but your work inspired me. I learned bits of Ancient to better understand it. I wanted to learn more about the Ancients and…” she looked away, blushing. “About you.”

“I can’t imagine what you were thinking.” 

Her story managed to touch on the small reserve of pity that often stayed hidden behind cynicism and contempt. He reached out and touched her hand briefly, running his fingertips along the back of it before yanking his hand quickly away. Trying to connect with anyone was challenging at best and he didn’t feel comfortable attempting it. He wouldn’t have, only… 

“I’m sorry that your life is ending here. There were things you could have done with it if you hadn’t come to Icarus.”

“My dad doesn’t even know where I am. He won’t know that I’ve died. I wanted to talk to him, to apologize, but now there’s no time.”

She broke down in gut wrenching sobs in front of the one man on board that was least prepared for them and ill equipped to try to help. He watched her like a deer in the headlights, unable to move, let alone think. Crying women were not his expertise. Give him logic, numbers, and he would be better able to get through the crisis. For this he was simply useless, a new state of being and certainly unwelcome.

“Now stop that!” He admonished softly, groping for something that might serve as a handkerchief. 

He found a spare bit of cloth and stood up to hand it to her, letting out a yelp when, instead, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her wet face into his shirt. He held his hands up, keeping them well away from her trembling body, looking down at her with wide eyes. She wasn’t afraid of him. What’s worse, she didn’t expect him to be afraid of her. She expected him to be comforting. He pat her back uselessly, trying to struggle out of her grip while she remained miserable and oblivious to his plight.

“Miss Holtz.” His tone was a little strained. “Miss Holtz, please. Your father would want you to be brave, would he not?”

She sniffled, nodding against his shirt but not letting go of him just yet. Gradually, the sobs stilled into whimpers and only then did she release him. His shirt was a wet wreck, her tears soaked through the tee shirt into the thermal below. He’d be thrilled if that never happened again for as long as he had left to live.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t be more comfortable around one of the others? Eli, or Chloe. Young?”

She shrugged. “The only person I had to talk to was TJ, but she’s gone.”

“Miss Holtz, you must understand that I’m not good at this sort of thing. One of the others would do a better job of comforting you, I’m sure of it.”

“I’m sorry,” she shook her head. “I’m not trying to be a pain. I just…I’ve never died before. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do it.”

“Go make your peace, whatever that means to you. It’ll be quick, most likely.”

“Are you sure you want to be alone?”

“Very sure.” He tried not to sound too eager, but he couldn’t help the hope that crept into his tone.

“Well, thank you for being nice to me.”

He nodded at her before she left, letting out a sigh of relief once she was gone. She ran into Young and Greer, smiling and nodding sadly at them as they walked. 

“Miss Holtz?”

“You know my name?”

“TJ talked about you. She told me to keep an eye on you before she left.”

She smiled sadly that her friend was thinking about her. The colonel came and put an arm around her, leaving Greer to stand behind, watching them. 

“Would you like to walk with us? I know it’s not much, but we can be company for you.”

“Thank you.”

“I know your father. Not well, but I met him a few times. He mentioned you”

“Did he? That’s surprising. He’s usually all business when he’s on base.”

They started walking, the makeshift cane Young was using making a strange sound echo through the corridor. 

“He spoke highly of you, obviously very proud.”

She sniffed, tears rising again. “Thank you, Colonel.” She nodded. “I should find Eli. I’d like to leave a message for him with the Kino.”

She ran off toward where she last saw Eli, interrupting his time with Chloe. 

“Eli, I want to record something on the Kino, you know, for posterity.” 

He looked doubtful, staring out the window. “Alright. We should hurry.”

He picked up the remote, the round sphere coming to hover in front of her face while he brought it into focus. 

“Introduce yourself.”

“My name is Melanie Holtz. I’m twenty three. I’m a gymnast. What else should I say?”

“What do you want to say?”

“I want to tell my dad that I love him. That I’m being brave because I want him to be proud. I’m so sorry I took your card, dad, and I’m sorry I never got to tell you where I’d gone. You probably think I died on Icarus. I…” She choked on fresh tears. “I’m not scared, Dad. I want to make you proud. I miss you. I hope you can see this someday. If someone does, please tell Major Joseph Holtz that Mel says she loves him. That I’m thinking of him. That if I get to see mom first, I’ll tell her that he loves her.”

She shook her head, wiping away her tears. Eli turned off the Kino’s recording and put away the remote in silence.

“How long do we have?”

“I don’t know. A minute or two.”

She nodded, silently reaching for his hand, and then for Chloe’s, anything so that they didn’t have to be alone. The sun was getting closer, she had to squint to be able to see clearly. Rush came bursting in, a broad grin on his face. She didn’t dare to hope but as he explained she couldn’t help what little of it burst into full bloom in her chest. 

“We’re going to live?”

“It looks that way.”

She followed him as he raced around, trying to verify his theory. She clung to a bar, watching him, waiting, until it seemed like he was right. Delighted, she threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. In his pride, he didn’t question it, hugging her in return. She turned back to everyone else, an ocean of relieved faces behind her. They were all thinking the same thing: the shuttle. Mel left them to deal with that, stunned as she stumbled out into the hallway to be alone. She was breathing hard, taking a moment to brace herself against the wall. Her knees felt like rubber, unable to support her much longer. 

“Hey, Mel, are you ok?” Eli came up behind her, putting one hand on her back to help steady her. 

“It’s a lot,” she admitted softly. “I’ve never been through anything like that before.”

“Why don’t I help you to your room? It’ll probably be good for you to rest a little bit. We’re going to celebrate in the mess hall later. You’re coming, right?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there.”

He helped her slowly toward her room, leaving her at the door with a kind smile. She returned the smile and let the door close, leaning against it when it did. She prayed, thanking whoever was listening for coming through this unscathed.


	3. An Emergency Situation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's where I move more away from canon to the AU part of the story. There shouldn't be any spoilers from here on out. If there are, they are unintentional.

“Get out of the way!” 

Alerts were sounding all around them, echoing through Destiny as Rush stared over the console, trying to figure out what the problem was. He was frowning, seeing the door on the screen flashing red. Red was never a good color and it meant that something had to be wrong with the hatch. It led to one of the docking bays and if they couldn’t get the door closed, well, it wasn’t going to be good. Not only could they lose air, cargo, and crew but…actually, no, that was the worst of it. 

“What’s going on here, Rush?”

“I don’t know,” the scientist answered sarcastically. “Perhaps it has something to do with the door that’s wide open in the docking bay. That red line there. That looks like a good sign, doesn’t it?”

The colonel did not appreciate his sense of humor at the moment and barked orders for men to move toward the problems, Rush trailing along behind them and a few others of the crew behind that, including Mel. They were cautioned not to get too close as a strong current appeared to be funneling out through the open door that could take a full-grown man, as well as the heavy crates that were being pulled steadily closer to the open hatch. Beside the door a panel appeared to be open, showing raw wiring and machinery. 

“It’s broken,” Young observed, fighting to be heard over the shrill screech of the rushing air. 

“No, it’s not. I just thought we could all do with a bit of fresh air.”

The Colonel gave Rush a hard stare, shaking his head as he tried to figure out what to do. “What do you suggest?”

“It’s hard to tell, Colonel. If we send someone close to it they have every likelihood of being crushed by one of the containers or being yanked out into space. And that’s before they manage to fix the door.”

“I’ll do it.” Mel pushed forward, standing beside Young who looked equally surprised and horrified. Rush just looked annoyed.

“I don’t see how you’re going to be of any help unless you have some sort of engineering degree we don’t know about.”

“Well, I don’t, but…”

“Then leave the work to the qualified candidates, won’t you?”

“Who’s that going to be? You?”

Rush swallowed, eyes narrowing as she refused to cow to his demands. She put her hands on her hips and stared him straight in the eyes.

“I’m small enough that if you put a rope around my waist I can be pulled back in if I start to get sucked out. I’m agile enough that I can dodge the incoming containers if they slide toward me and just maybe I can get a good look at the panel and give you a better idea of what’s wrong.”

As much as he hated to admit it, she had a few good points but they should have been his points. This should have been his idea. He could see already that Young was against it, looking around for anyone else that might be capable and was willing to volunteer. No one raised their hands so he sighed, relenting.

“Someone find a rope!” He called, sending Greer and Scott out searching for one. In the meantime he turned back to the young woman and shook his head. “I don’t like this. If you feel for even one second that you’re not going to be able to hold on you tug on that rope and we’ll pull you back.”

“With all due respect, Colonel, I’m not helpless.”

Rush scoffed. “Respect,” he muttered.

He got a glare, but wasn’t able to respond as Scott came back with enough rope to allow them to keep distance and allow her to get to the panel. He nodded at Melanie and she picked up the end of the rope, wrapping it around her waist a few times. Young tied the knot himself, tugging on it to check how secure it was. 

“Sir, I should be the one to do this.”

“Let her try, Lieutenant.” 

“Miss Holtz, remember to lean back against the air current in order to keep your balance. All we need you to do is check the panel and see what needs to be fixed. Try to get as much detail as you can.”

“I understand, Dr. Rush.”

He nodded, stepping back so that Young, Greer, and Scott could take the line to pull her back if it was necessary. The length of the line was going to be a problem if one of the containers decided to cross her path but they’d deal with that problem if it happened. Still, the colonel was running through every possible scenario in his mind, trying to figure out solutions before they became problems. Mel crept forward, her hair and skin pulled forward by the current of air flow. 

“Rush, why isn’t the shield helping to protect the air from escaping?”

“It is,” he answered darkly, watching Mel for any sign of distress. For better or worse she was their current best shot to get this problem solved before they lost too much air. She got to the wall, pressing both hands to the flat metal surface, bracing herself. One hand wrapped around a pipe running down next to the panel, holding on as she was pulled by the air to the left. The panel was hanging open. It appeared to have been hit by one of the containers as the ship shifted, and with it shifted the cargo. A few of the pieces were out of place but none of the circuitry appeared damaged. She took a moment, trying to memorize what was in front of her before she barely heard the shout over the rush of the air.

“Melanie! Look out!”

She whipped around and saw a container sliding toward the airlock, passing directly through the line holding her in place. She scrambled to try to climb up the pipe, letting the large rectangular container pass under the rope but wasn’t quite quick enough to do it. She felt the line catch, yelping as it tried to tug her down and out with it. Instead, the three men holding the rope pitched forward, Young landing flat on his face with Greer and Scott on the deck behind him. The container continued its course and dropped out the door into space, hitting the ship as it bounced and eventually moved through the shield into open air.

That left her rope dangling out the door, still tethered around her waist.

“Mel!” TJ called out, moving forward as the men stood. “Mel, are you ok?”

She looked down, holding the pipe and feeling the strain begin to set in to her muscles. She’d be able to keep her grip, but it wasn’t an infinite hold. Still, she was better qualified for something like this than anyone else.

“We’ll go find more rope, Mel, hold on.”

“No!” She shook her head. “If anyone else comes out here they won’t be able to make it back!”

There was no sense jeopardizing anyone else’s lives.

She climbed down slowly, bracing her legs against a pipe and pulling the rope toward her with one hand, the other holding on as well. She looped the rope she managed to drag in around her leg so it didn’t immediately get pulled back toward the door. Fervently, her eyes searched around her for any other immediate danger, working as quickly as her caution dared. When she caught the end she tied it around the pipes. It wouldn’t hold her for long if she was being dragged, but it was a few seconds, maybe enough time for someone to reach her should the unthinkable happen.

She turned her eyes back to the panel, sparing little attention to the group of people behind her. There was no getting out of this, not unless she could fix the panel in front of her. Sighing, she reached into the machinery, pulling out the parts that were out of place to leave her with a blank canvas to put them back in again.

“What in the hell is she doing?” Rush burst out, watching her. “She’s going to get herself killed!” 

Somehow, he managed to actually sound concerned about that, leading to a strange glance from TJ. 

“Mel!” Young called out to her, but the call was met by silence. “Melanie!”

“I found more rope, Colonel.” Scott held up the cordage he found, moving to loop it around his waist.

“I’m going.” Rush reached for the rope.

“You?”

“And just what do you think you’re going to do once you’re out there? How are you going to fix the panel?”

“I’ll grab Melanie and everyone can pull us to safety.”

“Which leaves us back at square one. Do you even think before you speak, Lieutenant, or does the promise of heroism block out any other thoughts?” Rush rolled his eyes. “It has to be me,” he insisted.

Young nodded at the scientist, not willing to waste time talking when someone’s life was on the line. As insufferable as Rush was, he was right. In the meantime Mel remained unresponsive, back to them as she moved in front of the panel. TJ saw her legs shaking from keeping such a tight hold on her muscles to keep her in place without the benfit of hold on with her arms. 

“Rush,” she warned. “She’ll give out soon. Hurry.”

He nodded. 

Young picked up the rope and fed it out a little at a time to allow Rush to make his way to the panel. A few feet toward the door he was picked up off his feet, slammed onto the floor on his back and began to slide toward the door. He yelled, so did Young, and caught Mel’s attention. 

“Rush!”

She dove toward him, catching him by the waist as she hit the floor, looping the rope around her arm to hold them in place. She strained to hold him, the one rope all that stood between them and getting swept out into space.

“I’ve got you.” She glanced at the wall. “Use my rope to pull yourself toward the wall. I’ll be right behind you.”

He nodded, climbing over her to grasp her rope and pull himself hand over hand toward the panel. She reeled herself in after him, securing him to the pipes as best she could by looping the extra of her rope around his waist. He immediately moved to study the panel, realizing that there were fewer mechanisms out of place than he thought he’d seen her remove.

“You’ve been putting things together!” He accused.

“What did you think I’d been doing?”

“You’re not even remotely qualified to try to fix Ancient technology. I’ll have to remove everything you’ve –“

She pressed a finger to his lips, startling him into silence.

“Trust me, Rush.”

Mel turned her attention back to the panel, maneuvering one of the two last parts she had into place toward the bottom of the frame. She heard it slide in and lock, placing the last piece just above it. Lights began to flicker on, indicating that the panel was now active again, much to the scientist’s amazement. 

“How did you…?”

“I’ll explain later. Just get that door closed!”

He nodded, noting the panel that activated the door much closer to the gaping door than he would ever be comfortable with.

“If I get that close I’ll get sucked in!”

“I have you. I promise, I’ll keep you from going through. Just shut the door!”

He gave her a doubtful look, watching as she released him from the rope tethered to the military overseers. All that was left between him and oblivion was her, and her rope. She gave him a reassuring smile and fed out a little of the rope, promising not to give him more slack than it took to get to the panel. It was looped around the pipe a few times and her legs were braced tight. He was mindful of how they shook, of what TJ said, but he had little choice. He got up, pressing to the wall as closely as he could and inching toward the panel. He took a deep breath as he let go of anything he could hold on to in order to keep himself from flying away, pressing a few buttons on the panel. The door began to slide closed, much to his amazement.

The rush of air ceased and Melanie collapsed back, breathing hard and shaking. TJ ran forward the minute it was safe, propping Mel’s head up on her lap, looking her over. 

“Everett!” She waved him forward. “She’s exhausted. Take her to the infirmary.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine, Mel, and I want you where I can keep an eye on you.”

She stopped protesting as the Colonel scooped her up, carrying her toward the infirmary. TJ made Rush come along as well, not entirely certain his head hadn’t hit the ground when he fell on his back. As much as he protested he was not able to get around TJ’s decision and found himself laying on a cot in the infirmary alongside Mel. 

“This is ridiculous, Lieutenant, I’m fine. I need to get back to my work as soon as possible. Just give me a clean bill of health and let me go.”

“Well, your mouth still seems to work,” she conceded, “but I’m not letting you go until I’m certain you don’t have some sort of trauma.”

“I didn’t even hit my head!”

Her gloved hands roamed his head, shifting through his shaggy hair along his skull and he winced as they brushed a bump, sending shock waves of pain through his head.

“Didn’t hit it?” There was a hint of a smirk on her lips.

He rolled his eyes, defeated. She was never going to let him leave now.

“This is completely unnecessary.”

“I’m not letting you leave. You might as well settle in.”

He sighed, leaning back on the cot. If he was stuck here he might as well try to get some sleep. It was long overdue and he knew it. TJ busied herself across the room and he found his eyes straying to Mel’s body in the cot next to him. She appeared to be completely unconscious, her actions to him a complete mystery. She’d repaired Ancient technology, fairly complicated machinery from the look of it, and hadn’t needed his help to do it. He’d known before not to underestimate her strength, but now he knew there were a few tricks up her sleeve. 

When he woke up, she was sitting up in her bed. TJ was nowhere to be seen.

“Mel.”

She glanced over. “You’re awake.”

“So it would seem. How long have I been asleep?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t been awake very long, about thirty minutes? An hour?”

“Where’s TJ?”

“She went to go eat. She told me to tell you to stay put if you woke up before she got back.”

“Of course she did.”

Silence passed between them for a few long moments, Mel fidgeting with her blanket. 

“How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“You know what I mean. How did you know how to put together that panel? Some of the best people on this ship wouldn’t have been able to do that.”

“Oh.” She frowned, the first time he’d seen her do that since they’d met. “To be honest, I don’t know.”

“How do you not know? Surely you must know. Have you done anything like that before?”

“No. I mean, not exactly. It’s difficult to explain.”

“Try.”

“For as long as I can remember I’ve just known how to do that. It’s like the machines talk to me. I can’t explain it, but I can look at something and know where it belongs. I used to take apart everything I could as a kid, putting it back together. It used to drive my father insane and he forbid me from continuing to take apart the military gadgets he’d bring home.”

“You’re joking.”

“No. Rush, I’m serious.”

“So, you’re some sort of mechanical prodigy?” His tone was flat, his expression equally as blank. 

“I guess so?”

Ancient technology was beyond human technology in every way. Even if she was what she said she shouldn’t have been able to understand how the Ancient technology worked, even if it worked out in their favor. He had trouble with the machinery on the ship and he made his life’s work understanding the Ancients and their contributions. How could she come out of the wood work and profess to understand how these gearings worked?

“You got lucky,” he decided. “That’s all well and good. It worked out in our favor this time.”

Her head drooped forward, but she nodded slightly. “You’re probably right.”

He nodded, self-satisfied, until she pounded her hands against the table and captured his attention, making him jump.

“No!” She declared, staring at him. “No, that’s not what happened. I knew what I was doing! I don’t care if I can’t explain why, I’m not going to say it was an accident. You can call it an accident if you want to but I know I knew what I was doing.”

She glared at him, angry tears welling up in her eyes but not quite falling. She wouldn’t have cared so much if she hadn’t admired him but his dismissive words cut straight through her, making her shrink into herself uncharacteristically. All she’d done aboard the ship was be someone she didn’t recognize, someone that was afraid to make themselves heard. And why? It didn’t make her happy. Making friends over these last few weeks gave her the confidence to stand up to him and find herself again.

“Why do you always have to think you’re the smartest person in the room? You know you’re brilliant, why can’t you give someone else some of the credit every now and then?” She quieted after that outburst, continuing in a more appropriate tone considering he was only a few feet away from her. “I want to keep admiring you, Dr. Rush, but you’re making it really hard for me.”

He let the silence stretch between them for a long time, looking down at the wedding ring on his hand. He twisted it as he stewed, wondering what Gloria would do, what she would want him to do.

“You’re right,” he admitted. “I can’t explain it, but the fact is that you put the mechanism back together. You saved the ship and for that I should be grateful to you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You safeguarded my life, holding on while I got to the panel to close the door. I owe you more than doubt, Miss Holtz.”

“Melanie.”

“Miss Holtz.”

“You like me, don’t you?” She grinned, managing to look terribly cute as she did. He sighed profoundly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I do nothing of the sort.”

Her smile served to aggravate him further, turning his head away from the persistent brunette by his side. As he did, he felt the urge for the edges of his lips to tug upward and quickly suppressed it with a frown, relieved when the door opened and TJ walked in from dinner.

“You’re awake,” she observed.

“Yes, very clever deduction,” he deadpanned. “I’ve survived the fall and a few hours of sleep. I’m leaving now whether you want me to or not.”

As he spoke he climbed out of bed and almost sprinted toward the door leaving the two women in his wake.

“What was that about?” She asked of the younger woman. Mel shrugged, but started laughing as she did.

“I think he likes me.”

TJ’s eyes widened, but she broke into a grin. “Good luck.”


	4. Close Quarters and Confrontation

"You're going to be ok, Colonel. The burns from the steam will fade in a few days; they're not serious."

She pressed a cool cloth to his forehead where the burns were red and angry, but only for now. They were surface burns; he'd gotten out of the way before they could go too deeply. Picking up his hand, she let him hold it in place as she turned to go. He caught her hand before she could leave him causing her to stop and turn slowly.

"Emily's sleeping with Telford."

Her eyes widened but she managed not to make too big of a reaction. "Are you sure?"

"What's sure, when I'm stuck on this ship?"

"You can't jump to conclusions, Everett."

"I'm not."

"There might be hope. You never know."

"She's filing for divorce, Tamara." He hadn't managed to say it out loud before that moment. "She never forgave me for what you and I...Being stuck on this bucket with you was the last straw. I'm sure she's convinced we're still sleeping together."

"We're not!" she protested. He sighed.

"I know that, but how do we prove it?" He smoothed his hand over her stomach lightly. "We don't."

He closed his eyes as she bent to hug him. Things between them were never going to be easy but they'd started the affair with the complications out in the open. It was too late to regret anything or say they didn't know how it was bound to end but god damn it if he didn't still find her irresistible. He sat up, letting the cloth drop from his forehead as he moved, cupping her face to bring her lips down to his.

"Please, don't."

He froze immediately, letting her free from his touch before he could manage to kiss her. She moved away, opening her eyes as she straightened.

"I can't, Everett. We shouldn't. You're hurting; this isn't right. We both agreed..."

"It was the wrong choice, Tamara."

"She was your wife."

"That didn't mean I loved you any less."

"Things have changed."

"They're always changing. I had to try; she was my wife. I thought I was doing the right thing in making it work with her. I loved her but something always managed to get in the way: my job, you."

"You're not trying to blame me for -"

"Of course not! I blame myself. But I can't get you out of my mind."

"It's cabin fever. We've been cooped up in this box for too long without any kind of outlet. You know me better than anyone else. It's only natural that we would want to -" she looked down at him. "That we would think about...this."

"It's not the ship," Young returned pointedly.

"It's the divorce. You're feeling rejected, Colonel. You need to deal with that yourself. By yourself."

"You think about it, too."

"I'm no more prepared to act on those thoughts than you are."

She picked up the cloth, rinsing it out and handing it to him to press back to the burns. It was easier to focus on that than it was to think about something that was still unspoken between them and, if he were honest, had been eating him up inside since the day they made the decision to end their affair. The consequence of that affair was still growing inside of her, a lifelong reminder of what used to be between them. What could still be, if he believed his daydreams.

She left before he could do anything else. 

“Dr. Rush?”

The scientist sighed, stopping what he was doing for what felt like the millionth time by the same brown haired nuisance. She’d become his own personal shadow and though she wasn’t always the one to distract him, she certainly contributed to the problem. When did he get so popular all of a sudden? It was always ‘Rush do this’ or ‘Rush, make this work.’ Except with her. She just always wanted to...to talk. Especially about what he was doing and though it served to stroke his considerable ego, it was also rather annoying. 

“Normally I would admire your persistence, Miss Holtz, but at the moment I can ill afford any distractions. I had heard that you were working in hydroponics with Park.”

“It turns out I don’t have my mother’s green thumb.”

“I’m sure someone else has something for you to do.”

“That’s part of why I’m here.”

He glanced up at her over the top of his glasses, wondering just what she was going to ask him to get into. Little realizing he was holding his breath, the scientist watched her with wary eyes and waited.

“I need somewhere to work out.”

He let out his breath with a deep sigh.

“The military is trying to force everyone into their workouts.”

“That’s not the kind of exercise I mean.” Being a gymnast she wasn’t going to keep peak form if she wasn’t able to do the exercises that she was used to. 

“How is it you expect me to help? Colonel Young is the one in charge.”

“Oh, I know, but it’s something I need a lot of space for and you’ve been saying that she ship doesn’t have enough power to run things frivolously and…”

“What are the chances of getting you out of here without agreeing to what you want, Miss Holtz?”

“Not very good, Rush. Not good at all.”

“Then if it will get you out of my lab I have no choice.” He sighed, though he wasn’t as annoyed as he pretended. “If you find the space, I’ll see if it can be maintained without putting a strain on the systems and you will stop with your infernal interruptions. Agreed?”

She grinned and threw her arms around him, leaving him flailing through the hug. He grumped, straightening his shirt the moment he was released with a frown.

“Do the words personal space not mean anything at all to you?” She was an absolute puzzlement for him.

“No. Should they?” She smiled at him, getting a resigned shake of his head in return.

“We have an agreement. Out.” He pointed to the door. 

“I’ll be back!”

He groaned audibly, watching her out the door. 

“Eli!” She spotted him ahead and ran to catch up, threading her arm through his. “I need your help.”

“My help?” He looked surprised.

“Yeah. With your Kino. I’m looking for a place I can work out. Somewhat large, but kind of out of the way. Have you spotted anything like that in your exploration?”

“Maybe. Do you want me to check the footage?” 

“No, that’s ok. Come with me!”

“But...Colonel Young -”

He pointed back to the place he came from. The officer had asked him to do something, but she didn’t leave him much of a choice as she smiled and started chatting with him as they walked. They had a lot in common, she’d found over the weeks. 

“So what sort of place are you looking for?”

“Well, maybe an old cargo bay or something. I want a place that’s large enough that I have room to practice my tumbling passes. I want to try to stay in shape. I had hope that maybe I could build some of the apparatuses I’m used to: beam, bars.”

He shrugged. It sounded awful to him, but that was mostly because he did not enjoy working out. He’d been trying, with Young’s mandatory physical activities but that was only when he couldn’t weasel out of it with something to do for Rush. It was hard to choose between the two warring figureheads but he was trying to do the best he could, while not driving himself to distraction. There were issues on the ship, but they were all just trying to keep their heads above water, one day at a time.

“What about this?”

He pushed the button to the door, watching it open with a sigh. She stepped inside and though she couldn’t see far, sounds echoed enough that she could feel how large it was. 

“Doesn’t that thing have night vision?”

Eli directed the Kino around, feeling her lean against him to be able to look at the screen as well. There were old containers, debris, but that didn’t change the space. It was perfect. She smiled. 

“Do you think it would take much energy to light, if I wanted to convert it?”

“I don’t know for sure. It would take more energy to heat but the life support systems could be filtered in here. You’d have to double check with Rush.”

“I will, thanks, Eli. You’re the best!” She kissed his cheek and squeezed his arm before turning around to find Young. A few minutes later she appeared at Rush’s door. 

“Miss Holtz, I had hoped our deal might last a bit longer.”

“I’m here because of the deal. I found a place.”

“So soon?”

“Come on!” She took his hand and tugged him with her, unfairly using her athletic strength to pull him along. It wasn’t fair, but he found himself standing in front of a door a short time later. She pressed it open and he was awash in darkness. The door closed, leaving them in pitch black for a few horrifying seconds.

“Didn’t you think to turn on the lights?”

“I don’t know how!” She hissed. “You know how.”

She heard him moving, cursing when he tripped over something on the ground. A soft thud as he hit the wall. A few seconds later the entire room lit, revealing something like she thought it would look like. She turned to see him there, as dazzled by the sudden light as she was. When his eyes adjusted he looked around, not seeing the potential she did.

“This is what you wanted?”

“Don’t you see?” She spun around, smiling. “It’s perfect!”

“I fail to see perfection here.”

“I could make the floor area here.” She gestured excitedly. “The balance beam over there. Vault there. Uneven bars over there.” 

“Where you do you think you’re going to get the materials for that? Let alone the help. Miss Holtz, I agreed to help you find a place to work out, nothing more. I don’t want you to get these grand ideas that we can ill afford to equip.”

She sighed in premature defeat, coming to stand beside him and lean against the wall. 

“I just wanted something normal. We’ve been on here for months and there’s nothing for me to do, I don’t fit. You don’t trust me to repair any of the machinery. If they leave me in hydro we’ll all starve to death. I wanted something here that I know I can do. Rush, I miss my home. I miss my father. I’m so scared of telling him what I’ve done I won’t even use the communication stones to call him.”

He looked at her sideways as she sank to the ground, leaning back against the wall. Carefully, he knelt down beside her. 

“There are things I miss about Earth, too.”

“Like what?”

“Coffee,” he laughed. “Nicotine.”

“I miss the ocean. My dog, Henry. Dating. God, I miss dating!” She let out a brief, humorless laugh. “I noticed you wear a wedding ring. Don’t you miss your wife?”

“I miss her.”

“Why don’t you visit with the stones?”

“It wouldn’t matter if I did. She wouldn’t be there for me to visit.”

“Oh! I’m sorry! How long ago did she pass?”

“A few years ago.” He didn’t want her pity. All the same, he didn’t brush her hand away when she moved to take it.

“Nick, I want to be your friend, if you’ll let me.” 

“I don’t need friends.” He frowned at use of his first name. She remained undaunted.

“Everyone needs friends.”

“Surely this can’t all be gratitude for my work.”

“No,” she admitted. “I think you need someone. I think of you as a puppy.”

“A puppy?” He huffed, his face immediately screwed into a scowl. 

“You need someone to care for you, like a puppy.”

“Miss Holtz, I assure you that I am not in need of any sort of care. I am quite capable of handling myself as may be apparent to you since I’ve managed to live this long.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh, I know what you mean. You want to be a distraction for me.” He frowned, shaking his head. “I don’t know where you got this fool idea in your head, but you should save yourself the time and energy before it's wasted.”

“Nick, I like you!” The words burst out, too late to take them back. 

“Well, stop!” He stood, putting distance between the two of them. “What do you want from me, Miss Holtz?”

“Melanie!”

“I am not a good man, Melanie! Everything good in me died with my wife. I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me or to treat me with pity, least of all a girl who doesn’t know what it’s like to experience that kind of pain.”

“I’m not a little girl, Nick. I may not be your age, but that doesn’t make my life experiences any less valid. I lost my mother when I was nine years old. After that, my father just checked out. Everything he was was his job. He loved me, sure, but I was secondary. I know what it’s like to bury pain.”

Not just the mental anguish of losing her mother but the days, months, years of training to be an Olympian: something she would never accomplish now. There was no way for the body to condition itself against that kind of strain over and over again. Once she mastered one seemingly impossible feat she moved on to another. Over and over she worked, ascending a ladder toward her goal. She had ambition that matched his own, just in another field. 

“Rush,” she sighed. “Why are you so afraid of me?”

“I’m not afraid of you but you represent something that will be a detriment to the ship and its crew. I can’t be distracted right now. There’s too much work that needs to be done.”

But somehow Gloria’s face flashed to his mind, asking him not to be afraid. It had only been the chair, manipulating his memories, but it could only produce thoughts and images from his mind. If Gloria was telling him so, somewhere deep down he knew it to be true. Living in fear wasn’t going to help him work any harder or be any more determined. It might, however, deprive him of something to fight for, other than his own miserable life. He’d lived too long in the shadow of that fear. Even so, it seemed nearly impossible to beat. 

“I get that,” she said finally, moving closer to him again. “Rush-”

“Nicholas,” he corrected, offering her a hesitant smile.

“Nick.” She let out a soft sound. “I want to help you. However you want me to do that. I’m asking you to trust me.”

She reached out her hand and he took it, remembering the last time she’d asked him to trust her a few weeks ago. “I hardly know how to begin,” he confessed. “Trust isn’t something I give readily.”

“I know.” 

“I’d like to try. I’m not promising to be good at it, understand.”

“‘I’ll be patient.”

“I have to get back to work. I’m sure we have enough power to divert some of it to this room for an hour a day. Is that agreeable?”

The rapid change threw her, but as quickly as she could catch up she nodded. “That’s fine. Thank you.”


	5. Usefulness and Productivity

"Melanie?"

He caught her as she walked past the lab he'd taken over. He moved toward the door and waited as she stopped to acknowledge him, drawing looks from Eli and Franklin. They stopped working to watch him. He hadn't been completely insufferable for the past few days and no one knew the real reason why for it. A few, like Eli, suspected but no one knew for sure.

"Yeah, Nick?"

That drew even stranger looks from his team. He paused and scowled and ordered them back to work before turning his attention to the young woman he'd summoned.

"I knew it," Eli muttered under his breath.

"Do you have a moment?"

"Sure. I think so."

He motioned to the corridor and they began to walk companionably, with Rush even having a hint of a smile on his lips.

"One of the vents has a clog, we think, but I can't reach the duct to look."

"You want me to climb up and take a look?"

"If you don't mind. I told you I'd let you know if you could be of some assistance."

He gave her a sly look that, if she didn't know better, she would think was teasing. She beamed in response, happy to be of help.

"Are you enjoying your gymnasium?" It had been a while since he made the arrangements.

"It's not exactly what I expected. Colonel Young wouldn't let me use it until I promised to share the space for his work outs, but I am helping some of the military with flexibility training."

But it was something, a place to call her own.

He scoffed. "Flexibility is not a word in the military's vocabulary, at least not when it comes to their thinking."

"Gee, that doesn't sound at all familiar." She rolled her eyes and chuckled while he played at looking offended.

"This is the one." He pointed to the vent overhead. It wasn't small enough for her to crawl through, but she could peek into the duct for anything in the way.

She climbed up one of the larger pipes that ran the length of the wall, holding on with her legs and one arm while she pushed the vent cover off. From there it was a matter of turning on a flashlight and sticking her head in while he watched from below. She shrieked, sliding down the pole a foot or two as Rush frantically moved forward to help should she need it.

"Mel?"

"I'm ok," she answered shakily. She moved to climb back up and peeked in again, this time laughing.

"What? What is it?"

She reached in one arm, groping a little before she tugged the thing loose from the vent. It fell like a stone and the scientist found himself covered in bits of the universe's largest dust bunny. She shimmied down, laughing the entire way as Rush tore bits of fluff and dust from his clothes. He was frowning, especially when she landed and laughed, and grumped when she moved to help brush him off.

"You've done quite enough, thank you."

"It must have built up when nothing was being filtered in or out of this room."

She watched him struggle and moved to help him again, brushing some of the debris from his back while he scowled.

"This is why I don't have friends," he grumped.

"This is exactly why you need friends." She grinned, but even as he scowled he recognized that air was circulating in the room much better than it had before.

"Alright. Let's get back."

They walked back down the corridor. Mel cocked her head and paused outside of a door.

"Nick!" She waved him back, whispering. "Listen!" 

As he came closer he noticed the tale tell signs of coitus from inside the room. He couldn't tell who it was by voices, but walked away almost as quickly as he approached.

"I suppose this ship isn't as sound proof as I thought. Though it was bound to happen in these close quarters."

“Sex,” she groaned, tilting her head back as she walked. “God, I miss sex! I couldn’t have much of it cause getting pregnant would have ruined my career but…when I did have it, it was nice enough.” 

Not amazing, but nice.

Rush was no biologist but he understood what effect hormones had on fully grown adults. Mel giggled, watching her companion. He programmed himself to ignore those urges in himself, drowning them out at Brody’s still or in his work. He gave her an exasperated sigh. 

“We’ve been stuck on this ship for months now, Rush. Months: almost half a year. You’re telling me you haven’t thought about it even once?”

“Of course not! What would be the point? Those kinds of urges serve no real purpose.”

“Stress relief.”

“There are other ways to obtain that.”

“You’re a robot.” She decided. “That’s the only explanation for it.”

“I am not! I just don’t give into every base urge I have like a beast.”

“But you do have them.”

He frowned, realizing he’d been caught and little able to do anything about it. He gave up trying, stopping where he stood to stare her down under his usually effective withering gaze, which, to his lament, it seemed she was immune. 

“It’s ok to be human, to want to have sex and get close to another human being.”

“I don’t see the point, Melanie, and I’m not going to begin because you think I should. Besides, there’s no one on this ship I’d even consider…”

He froze as she kissed him, every muscle in his body completely arrested and his eyes staring open, unseeing, in his shock. After a moment those same feelings he claimed not to have kicked him in the teeth and he sought her lips to return the kiss, oblivious that they were standing in an open hallway and anyone could see them. Closing his eyes, he moved to put his arms around her and keep her close before realizing she was already moving away. 

“I thought so,” she laughed. “You’re just like everyone else.”

She left him surprised and stranded as she taunted him, walking backward to be able to keep an eye on him. His knees has turned to water at some point in the last few seconds and all he could do was watch her get further and further away with her kiss still burning on his lips. She was completely oblivious to how that shock of feeling wrecked him, sending unwelcome impulses through each cell of his body. He struggled to reel it all back in, walking only after feeling returned to his legs, walking quickly to catch up with her. He wasn’t going to run to chase her, but he wasn’t letting her get away, either.

“You want to fuck just like everyone else.” She sang, causing him to burn with embarrassment. 

“I want nothing of the kind, Miss Holtz, and you would do well to -”

Mel ran into someone rounding the corner, unable to see them with her back turned. She fell to the ground, laughing about Rush and about herself and her clumsiness. He rushed to try to help her up, stooping even as Colonel Young offered his hand. 

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“My pride is wounded. Does that count, Colonel? You’re built like a brick wall.”

“I’ll try to work on that,” he returned breezily. “You might try walking in the direction you’re facing. In my experience, that helps.”

Rush’s cheeks were burning red, wondering how much of their play the Colonel had overheard. Mel was too merry to be daunted by what had happened and dusted herself off the moment she was standing again.

“I’ll keep that in mind, Colonel. Rush and I were just off to the gym.”

“Now how did you manage that? I’ve been trying to get him to work out for weeks.”

“I have better things to do with my time than sweat with a bunch of thick headed -”

Mel kicked him, causing him to yelp and glare at her angrily.

“Consider it part of my duties on the ship, Colonel. I’ll make sure he starts strength training.”

“Now, see here I didn’t agree to anything like that.”

“Done!” The colonel spoke over the protesting scientist, offering his hand to Mel who shook it, sealing Rush’s fate. He looked pitifully defeated, stammering as his fate had been negotiated without him. He wasn’t going to abide by it, of course, but that didn’t mean they were allowed to make decisions for him.

As the officer walked away Rush’s eyes trailed after him and then to his companion. For once, he was at a loss for words.

“Mel, you can’t just -” He slammed his palm down on the button to open the door to her makeshift gym. “You are singly the most infuriating woman I’ve ever met.”

“You’re only mad because you liked it.”

As she spoke she pulled her shirt over her head and he moved to turn away after a long second of trying to register the situation before his brain kicked him. He turned back around to spot her in a leotard with her clothes piled on the ground.

“Have you had that on this whole time?”

“When the base was attacked I was stretching. After that I threw my clothes on and ran.”

A bra strap peeked out from under the shoulder of the leotard that he tried not to notice. 

“And what foolishness do you intend for me to do?”

“Sit down. Stretch maybe.”

She pushed off with one leg, coming forward to hit her vertical in a handstand. Slowly she lowered her body down, nearly pressing her nose to the floor, before hoisting herself back up. Rush watched in fascinated awe, wincing at the strangest form of push ups he’d ever seen in his life. They looked painful and graceful, a bizarre, intoxicating mix. 

“Is that really necessary?”

“Little busy.” 

Mel seemed deep in concentration, lowering and raising her entire body slowly while she kept her balance in front of him. Sensing the opportunity for a little payback, he made himself as large of a nuisance as he could. 

“You don’t say? Is this distracting, Miss Holtz?”

He ran a hand down her leg, causing her to yelp and fall backward while he laughed. She lay there dazed for a few minutes, glaring at him.

“How does that shoe feel on the other foot?”

He bent to offer her his hand and she used it to yank him down onto the slightly padded flooring. He went down with an undignified yelp, landing on his hands and hitting the floor. 

“Point taken,” he breathed, shaking his head and catching his breath. Eventually he sat up and looked at her, gesturing to the space in front of them. “Alright, you’ve seen my work. I want to see yours.” 

She got up, giving him a doubtful look, but paced a short distance away. “What do you want to see?”

“Whatever you wish to show me.”

Mel shrugged, tugging her hair up and twisting it into a quick knot on her head. When she was ready she took a running start, propelling herself across the distance between them with a series of flips and twists, ending with a full layout in the air, to land right in front of his feet. He looked like her was midway to skittering away from her when she landed neatly, grinning down at him. He’d seen the sport once or twice, in passing, but never right in front of him. In its own way it was impressive.

“You would have won,” he breathed out quietly. 

“I’ll never know now but it’s sweet of you to say that.”

She sat down beside him, spreading her legs to be able to stretch after the run. He watched her passively, silently impressed with her skill and obvious work ethic. After a moment of companionable silence, Rush glanced at the door. There was work to do, he’d probably already wasted more than enough time for one day. 

“Why did you kiss me?”

The words slipped out softly before he could warn himself against them. This wasn’t a line of thought he should be traveling down. 

“I was proving a point, Nick. You’re just as basely driven as the rest of us. Pretending you’re not doesn’t change that.”

“That’s all?”

She frowned thoughtfully, gazing up to meet his eyes. “What are you thinking?”

“Why you have to be such an infernal distraction. Even when you’re not there you manage to distract me. You creep your way into my thoughts.”

She leaned forward, he found himself closing the distance between them too. Their lips didn’t quite meet. She closed the distance, melting as their lips meshed for real this time. 

She sighed and felt one of his hands cup her cheek, felt him seeking her lips as he had earlier that day. She returned his kiss, all but begging for his attention as she moved to straddle his lap. He groaned quietly and moved his hands to her waist, tugging her closer to his body, though there was little distance between them to begin with. He sank back, bringing her down with him, taking the opportunity to be more passionate with his kisses. She was as good as naked to his touch, the leotard like a second skin and her underclothes little concealing beneath. She let out a delicious moan, breaking him out of this temporary spell.

He jerked away, scrambling away from her as if bitten.

“Nick, what?” 

“I can’t do this. Mel, I - I can’t.” He held his head as if it pained him. “ I’m not looking to replace Gloria.”

“Nick, I don’t want to replace her. How can you think that? There has to be room for both of us in your heart, isn’t there?”

“You’ve already wormed yourself beneath my skin far too much for my good. I don’t know what sort of fire you think you’re playing with, I’ve got to be nearly twice your age. Why would you encourage the passions of a curmudgeon like me? I’m no good for you; you could take your pick on this ship.”

“I did,” she responded quietly, counter to his harsh words. He shook his head angrily, as if she was offering an attack, not something much gentler.

“And when we return to Earth, what will you do then?”

“I don’t know. I’m doing the best I can, Nick, taking things one day at a time like everyone else.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “I thought you wanted me to. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t cry,” he admonished, reaching for her despite being the one to cause it. “Melanie...I’m not ready for these kinds of things. What I had with Gloria is something I will never find again. I don’t know if I want to try.”

“I don’t want to touch that part of your life, Nick. I want that to be what it was for you. I just...I could be something new. Not better, just different. I could still be important to you like she was, just not in the same way.”

“I’ve told you before that I am not a good man. You’d be wasting your time and your effort trying to coax anything worthwhile out of my lifeless heart.”

“I can decide what wastes my time and what doesn’t.”

"I don't think it's a good idea for either of us. You won't get anywhere and then I'd lose the only friend I have on this bucket. It's better this way."

“If that’s what you want.”

“Believe you me, it’s for your benefit.”


	6. Realizing What's Important

Rush stopped getting interrupted. The first day he hardly noticed his name was no longer called by the charming voice that usually halted all of his progress until she was done with him. The second and third days his staff noticed a distinct change in the scientist. His scowl could kill; his words dripped venom. By the end of a week people skittered past the door to the lab, some even ducking under the windows to avoid being spotted as they passed. 

“Eli, where’s my notebook? It was just right here.”

The young man, who was across the room and had been for well over an hour, looked confused. “I don’t know.”

“It was right here. How can I be expected to get anything done in this chaos?”

“Dr. Rush -”

“Out.”

“Rush?”

“I said OUT! All of you! Get out of my lab!”

No one had to be told twice. They scattered as soon as they were able, leaving the ballistic scientist to his own devices. He clung to the edge of the console he was standing in front of, clenching the edge so hard his knuckles turned white. Something was gnawing at his gut and he couldn’t place what it was. Being an intelligent man, he might have hazarded a few guesses but being an emotionally constipated man, he didn’t delve too deeply into how he was feeling except to embrace the anger.

He wanted someone to take it out on. 

Young was a good choice, though the man was quite larger than he was. They had not shied away from physical confrontations in the past and Rush could think of nothing he’d rather do than let off some steam and know that the Colonel could do nothing about it. They needed him, and after he’d been left for dead on that planet he had some measure of grace against the other man. With his mind made up he moved to find him, radioing that he needed to speak to the commander. The moment he got outside of the lab he spotted Mel with her back to him, leaning against the wall talking to TJ. He froze, unsure whether he wanted to pass her, or whether he’d better not risk it, despite the mood he was in. The ship was huge and almost labyrinthian. There were plenty of ways around her and yet he didn’t move to walk past her.

TJ spotted him, nodding in his direction discreetly. 

“How long are you going to keep punishing him?”

“I’m not punishing him! It’s...complicated.”

“You haven’t talked to him in over a week.”

“He keeps telling me to leave him alone. I’m just doing as instructed.”

“Mel, you know he doesn’t mean it. You’re the only one on this ship that’s reached him. No one else is immune from his temper.”

“I’m not immune,” she promised. “Anyway, I need time. I don’t know how I feel.”

“He likes you.”

“I like him. I felt something when we kissed but he just...Gloria’s been dead for three years. I don’t want to push him into something he’s not ready for but I’m wondering if he’ll ever come around.”

“It’s not like you’re in love with him, Mel, be fair.”

“I could be falling for him. I think I am.”

The medic’s eyes widened. Getting physical with Dr. Rush, while strange in her mind, was something normal in the grand scheme. It was a matter of survival on the ship with a limited range to pick from and everyone in need of some physical outlet. Some of the crew were still holding out due to ties on Earth but as it was becoming increasingly obvious that they wouldn’t be going home any time soon, well, what happened in space was going to stay in space. Falling for the scientist was another matter altogether and made little sense to her friend. Her loyalty would always be with Young.

“When did this happen?”

“Slowly. Over the last few months, I guess. We stay up late, talking. I’m not used to getting a lot of sleep so I’d walk a lot, exploring the ship at night.. I used to find him in his lab in the middle of the night when everyone else was asleep.”

“What would you talk about? You never mentioned this before. I never knew.”

“Lots of things. His research. His life. My life.” That’s why his rejection had been especially painful. Mel straightened herself up and shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about him, TJ. I want to talk about this baby!” 

She pressed her hands to her belly, feeling the swell there where the baby was growing. She smiled, instantly dissuaded from the previous conversation. 

“I wish I had better equipment to keep an eye on his growth. As far as I can tell everything is right on time.”

“I’m so excited for you. I know this isn’t ideal, being here, but it’s not all bad is it?”

“No.” She shook her head. “But I wish I had somewhere to raise it other than this ship.”

“Well at the rate everyone’s hooking up...Chloe will be pregnant in no time. It’s only a matter of time. This may become a family ship.”

“It’s so dangerous on board.”

“But there’s plenty of room. I mean, we’ll all manage, whatever is thrown at us.”

“I hope you’re right, Mel. I really hope you’re right.”

She shrugged and the younger girl moved to hug her for reassurance. When they pulled away the blond looked better.

“Go talk to him, ok?”

“I can’t, TJ. Not yet.”

“He’s liable to break the ship apart if you don’t. You said it yourself, once upon a time, everyone needs friends.”

That was true. She’d heard the rumors. Everyone was avoiding the area immediately around his lab for fear of his wrath. She turned around to spot him, since TJ indicated that he was behind her, but he’d already moved away. The ship dropped out of FTL and she nodded at her companion. They both needed to head the gate room to deal with what was on the planet below. She was itching to get off the ship and out into some sort of sunshine. It had been far too long since she’d been outside. She made her way to the gate to find it already dialed, a Kino sent out by Eli. Young was standing by waiting for read outs from the little machine and from the scientist at the console. 

“The atmosphere is arid but similar to that of Earth. I wouldn’t recommend long exposure but the suits won’t be necessary.”

“I’d like to volunteer to go down to the surface, Colonel.”

Mel stepped forward the moment she was able to, offering herself up to go out with the away team. He looked doubtful, but at the scientist just said - it wasn’t immediately dangerous. There was no reason for her not to go. He nodded toward the wall where the away team was gathering gear. Eli was among them, and Scott, too. Mel moved over to them happily, excited to be getting off the ship. It was her first time in a while to be able to feel fresh air and sunshine on her face. It wouldn’t be quite the same as on Earth, but close enough that she wasn’t going to quibble. She put on some fatigues and picked up a pack, since a gun would be useless to her. 

She passed through the gate and out into blinding sunlight. She shielded her eyes while they adjusted, looking out over what appeared to be a desert. She was disappointed, until Eli pointed out what looked like an oasis. 

“Check it out! Our own private beach!”

She grinned, determined to get something out of the trip other than a sunburn. She felt like a kid again, the look of excitement plastered on her face bright enough that even Scott was smiling as he laid out the plan. Whatever they could find that might be of use before the time ran out was going to be gathered up and brought back. 

They started off to the oasis first, Rush coming out in fatigues just as they were leaving. Matt filled him in on their decided direction to which he followed, agreeing. The oasis dazzled as they approached, offering a crystal blue pond with trees swaying around it and even some desert grass tufted here and there. Red flowers on vines wound their way up the tree trunks, burst into full bloom with bright yellow centers. The smell coming from them was sweet and she leaned in to take a deep sniff, only to be grabbed by the scientist. 

“Be careful. We don’t know if they’re safe.”

“They’re flowers, Nick.”

“Even flowers can be dangerous in a strange world.”

She sighed, shrugging, and moved toward the water. The scent of them still lingered in her nose and made her smile.

“Matt! There are fish in here!” Not quite fish, but the little things looked like they moved around with ease underwater. They were fat and almost reminded her of frogs, except rounder. “I wonder if we can bring them back to the ship.”

“Rush, you’re the scientist. How about a fish dinner tonight?”

Everyone was tired of gruel and the assorted vegetables they grew in hydro. Meat was sorely lacking from their diet. Obediently, Rush moved toward the water and dipped a beaker in to catch some of the liquid for testing. He swirled it around, watching the color change. 

“The water’s safe to drink, but we’ve no way of getting it back on board at the moment.”

“But what about the fish?”

“I’d let you know if I could catch one.”

“They’re right there. They don’t even seem afraid of people.”

“That could be because they’ve evolved to deal with hunters. I see no signs here of other animal life.”

“It’s a desert, Rush. There may not be other animals.”

“Oh, listen to the two of you!” Mel shook her head at the two of them quarreling. “I’ll get one.”

She stripped off her fatigues down to her leotard, having heard the part about this planet being hot and dressed accordingly, and stepped into the water. She sighed happily and moved deeper to be able to swim a little.

“The water’s great!”

“Miss Holtz?” She plainly heard the impatience he was trying to hide as he looked at her. 

“Don’t you ever relax, Nick? Not everything that isn’t you is trying to kill you.”

He muttered something in response under his breath that she was happy she couldn’t hear. Still, she sighed, resigned, and moved toward the shallows where the fish were. 

“Eli, let me see your pack.”

She got the bag and emptied it, dumping his stuff into her pack. Then she filled his bag with water, sweeping up one of the fish in a smooth swipe as it tried to scuttle away. It bobbed in the bag toward the surface as she set it on the beach, coming out to dry off as Rush examined the fish. 

“TJ should be looking at this, too.”

There was no telling if there were venom sacs in the fish, not unlike blowfish, or how dangerous it might be to cut into to someone unfamiliar with the species. 

“It’s best not to risk it,” he concluded. “Dump it back into the pond.”

“You haven’t even tested it!” Matt shook his head and radioed for TJ to come out if she was able to.

“Nick…” Mel sounded disappointed. He looked away from her. Instead, he looked stubbornly set. 

“Come on, Eli. Let’s go for a swim.”

 

“I didn’t bring a swimsuit on the ship like you did.”

“It’s a leotard, not a swimsuit, and you can swim in anything you want.”

“No, thanks. Really, I’m doing you a favor.”

“Matt?”

“I’m on duty, Mel. I can’t. Chloe might want to, though.” 

He grinned and radioed for the other girl to come out with TJ. Mel glided easily back and forth, dazzled by the clarity of the water. 

“This is incredible. I haven’t felt this good in ages!” 

Rush couldn’t pull his eyes away from her, pretending to busy himself with other tasks. Eli noticed and actually started doing the things the other man was supposed to be doing while he avoided the elephant in the room. Chloe joined them, stripping down to her shirt and underwear and waded into the water. Even TJ dipped her feet in, trying to determine if the fish was something that could be eaten. The two young women swam together, laughing and splashing at the people on the shore. 

“Limited exposure is key here. We should all go back to the ship for a time to rest and get out of the star’s rays.”

“I can’t see any reason why the fish couldn’t be eaten. We should gather a few of them and break them down so I can do more tests. With any luck, maybe we could add them as part of our diet permanently. There has to be a tank somewhere to keep them.”

Lt. Scott gathered everyone up, including a few more of the fish, and they all trooped back to the ship. Refreshed, Mel went back to being happy. Rush caught her, pulling her into the lab and locking the doors before she could protest. 

“Am I a prisoner, Nick?”

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t.”

“You have. We both know you have.”

“Ok, maybe I have, but you get upset when I seek you out and now you’re upset I don’t? This doesn’t feel like a situation where I can win.”

“I know I upset you when I...when things happened.”

“Didn’t happen,” she corrected. He nodded.

“I wasn’t trying to -”

He was caught off guard when she wavered on her feet, feeling light headed. He yelled as she hit the floor, immediately unlocking the door and yelling on the radio for anyone in the area to help him. Greer was closest, scooping Mel up the moment he spotted her without a question. Rush trailed behind as she was carried to TJ in the infirmary. 

“What happened?”

“We were talking and she fell unconscious.”

“Colonel, I need to see the away team in the infirmary immediately.”

Soon enough all of them were in the infirmary on the tables, Young hovering because if they had all been exposed, so had she and she was pregnant with his child.

Mel was burning with a fever, sweat glistening on her forehead. She moaned in her unconsciousness, tossing fitfully. Rush was near her at all times, waving off TJ when she tried to examine him. 

“I feel fine. I would think your focus would be on the patient that doesn’t.”

“If I can figure out what you all have in common I’ll be able to pinpoint this faster. I don’t know what to treat her for, Rush.”

“I’m not a doctor but the fever comes to mind.”

TJ frowned and not because he was being his customarily caustic self. It did look like the fever was getting worse. She touched her forehead and immediately jerked her hand away.

“Everett, she’s burning up. She shouldn’t be this hot. I need to get her cooled down.”

The colonel picked her up and carried her to one of the showers on board and turned it on, picking the cool option. He held her beneath the mist, trying to cool her down. TJ dragged Rush back to the infirmary, trying to narrow down what everyone had come into contact with. No one else was showing symptoms. As time drug by the scientist was getting visibly more upset, pacing the room and throwing venom at anyone that addressed him. The medic was at a loss, unable to figure out why she would be the only one sick. 

“Chloe, it might have been the water. I’d like to keep you for observation.”

The girl nodded and sat on one of the tables, looking worried as everyone else was dismissed. Rush went immediately toward the showers.

“I’ll stay with her.”

Young was sodden but seemed to be holding strong as he held her. Rush couldn’t carry her so he knelt and laid her down wordlessly, letting Rush cradle her against his body. She still felt much too hot. 

“She’ll be alright,” the colonel said quietly.

“Will she?” Rush looked up and though the tone was harsh the face stated plainly that he was scared and needed reassurance. “How do you know?”

“She’s stubborn. We’ll figure this out.”

“I hope you’re right,” he admitted softly.


	7. Turn For The Worse

Young left them alone, going to get TJ and tell her what was happening before changing his clothes. She was held beneath the mist by the scientist who rocked her and looked for any change in her condition. She had quieted, but was not improving. 

“Mel, don’t do this,” he begged. “Don’t leave me; I can’t go through this again.”

He cared about her more than he’d been willing to admit and even though his mind could still come up with a million reasons why he should just let her be and not allow himself to focus on her his heart was having other ideas. He was reminded of how powerless he’d felt as Gloria lay dying. He’d been just as ill prepared then as he was now and was every bit as much of a wreck. 

“Who else is going to tolerate me?” He asked her, well aware of how unforgiving and closed off he could be. “Who else am I going to talk to in the middle of the night? You help me, Melanie. You help my work.”

But it wasn’t his work he was most concerned about and he knew it. He didn’t want to lose the only real friend he had. Suddenly the last week struck him as the torture it had been without her to come and force cheerfulness upon him. Her smile was the one thing he looked forward to in the day, among the facts and figures that he constantly surrounded himself with. As much as he was annoyed by it in the moment, he also needed it. He needed her. 

“I love you.”

Smoothing her hair away from her forehead he kissed it gently, keeping her close to himself. A strange scent lingered in her hair and he remembered.

“Tamara!” He set her down and scrambled out to the radio sitting outside of the shower. “TJ, I know what it is. It’s the flower, the red ones by the oasis! She smelled it; something about the thing must be poisonous to humans.”

“I’ll come to see you soon,” the medic promised, already in motion to have the flowers collected and analyzed before the countdown ran out. 

“Tamara, you can’t work with this thing. If it’s what’s making her sick, in your condition…” Young shook his head. “It could expose more people. We don’t know how airborne this could get.”

“Are you saying I should let her die, Colonel?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“That someone else should take the risk.”

“Who, Everett? Who is going to be able to help her?”

“Rush -”

“Is not a doctor of medicine.” She interrupted. He frowned at her, putting his hands on his hips. He wasn’t willing to risk his child or the woman he loved, but knew just as much that she wouldn’t risk letting Mel die.

“Neither are you, not really. Think about our baby.”

“I’m thinking about my friend.”

Scott came back with the flowers and she stuffed one into a beaker, trying to figure out what sort of poison it was that had control over her. Rush felt her growing hotter, despite the cool mist. 

“It’s not enough.” He picked up the radio. “The mist isn’t helping. She’s getting worse, TJ, it’s not enough. Maybe if we submerged her in some of the ship’s water supply it would make a difference but the showers were built for efficiency, not for this sort of application.”

He was shaking and looked down at his hands, surprised by how obvious it was. Young came to get her. 

“The countdown is low but the water in the oasis is our best bet. We can submerge her as long as we can. Hopefully it’s enough.”

As soon as the event horizon cleared the colonel bore her through the gate toward the oasis. The scientist was scowling, trailing behind even though he could do not real good at the moment. All he was managing was to fret, and even that wasn’t particularly useful.

“I told her the bloody flowers were poison.”

“It was an accident. They happen, Rush.”

Young immediately waded into the water, carrying Mel with him and settling where he could hold her comfortably. She floated, her hair billowing out around her head like a halo. Rush pushed that thought away and waded in to help support her, watching her intently for any sign. She moaned, shifting in their arms but the stronger man held her carefully in place.

The fish scuttled toward them, both men impatiently shooing them away as they tended to their sick crew member. 

“Wait, Colonel.” 

They hadn’t been this active before. He was willing to watch them to see what they’d do. One of them rubbed its body against her bare arm and he saw blood in the water. It came back and bit her, and she let out a sharp sound of pain. Young reacted to move her and Rush stopped him again, not sure why but trusting something he wasn’t sure of for once. Other fish came up and sought exposed skin, repeating the same peculiar actions while she lay there. It had to be painful, every time they bit she let out a moan, but they didn’t appear to want anything to do with her beyond their bite. When they were done they scuttled back to the shallows.

The water was turning red around them.

“They didn’t bite us,” the scientist observed. “They paid us no mind at all.”

“You think they knew she was sick?”

“I don’t know. All I can hope for now is that she’ll be alright.”

The timer ticked by second by second until Young looked doubtfully at the gate, which was activated when it was time to come back. 

“Whether it’s helped her or not, we have to go.”

They trudged back to the gate, bringing her through to meet TJ. She looked worried, and not like she had any answers.

“I don’t know how to help her, Rush. I’ve...I’ve tried everything we have on board.”

She reached out and touched Mel’s forehead, finding it a touch cooler than it had been. She also saw the abrasions on her arms and legs and caught Young shaking his head not to question it. He’d tell her later. 

“I need to set her down, Tamara.”

She nodded and brought them back to the infirmary, nodding to a bed there. Rush was by her side in an instant while his companion pulled the medic to the side and explained what had happened. Whatever was wrong, it was out of their hands now. The fish may have done more harm than good, for all he knew.

“I’ll keep an eye on her, Everett.” She offered him a small smile, the rest of her face grim. Then she moved toward the table. He was there holding her hand, watching her intently. 

“I’m not leaving,” he told her, setting his line in the sand. He didn’t need to.

“I wasn’t going to ask you to.” TJ shook her head. “Talk to her. She can probably hear you.”

“I haven’t a clue what to say.” He’d said all of the important stuff earlier. 

“Doesn’t matter. Give her a voice to follow back to us.”

He looked down and smoothed the hair from her face, kissing her knuckles in his hand. 

“I wasn’t going to admit you were right. You’re half my age, beautiful. You could have anyone on this ship you wanted. Someone like you shouldn’t notice someone like me.” He sighed, looking down at her and wondering why he hadn’t just let his feelings guide him instead of his infernal logic. “I can’t imagine why you picked me, Mel. It was easier to believe that this was going to be a fleeting thing and never begin it. When we got back to Earth I didn’t want to lose you when you came to your senses and realized how good you are: too good for a grump like me.”

TJ was a silent fly on the wall, trying not to listen but finding herself fascinated. She didn’t want to disturb him, making him aware of her presence and embarrassing him. Obviously, expressing feelings other than annoyance and anger were rare occurrences. 

“I want you, Mel; I need you. I don’t want to, you’re a distraction and an annoyance, but I look forward to your visits every day. I don’t sleep so you can come find me.” He kissed her lips lightly. “Wake up. Tell me you’ve realized you’re too good for me and choose someone else if you’ve decided, but please wake up.”

TJ had tears glistening in her eyes, leaving them alone as the scientist started talking to her on a far less personal level. He talked about his life in Glasgow, his endeavors with Icarus, and all his hopes for staying on the ship to continue to study it even if everyone else went back to Earth. He quietly spoke of plans that involved the two of them, seeing the far reaches of the universe to explore all of the planets and watching the stars glide by silently. He spoke of his fascination with the Ancients and ascending and how envious he was of the generation that would manage it. He spoke to her until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore and fell to sleep with his hand holding hers, his forehead resting on her shoulder. TJ saw him and covered him with a blanket, keeping watch over the two of them through the night.

Her labored breathing woke him up, and startled the medic who was dozing on one of the beds in the corner. 

“TJ!”

She was up in a flash, ushering Rush out of the way. Mel was struggling to breathe, choking as she tried to pull air into her lungs. Greer heard her distress call over the radio and tugged Rush out of the room, who fought him every step of the way as best he could. The soldier slammed him to the wall and kept him there, looking hard at him.

“You’re gonna stay right the fuck here and you’re gonna let her work. Do you really want to be the one that gets in the way while she’s trying to save your girl?”

“She’s not -” The automatic denial tried to cross his lips but he forced himself silent. It galled him, he hated Greer for being right, but he had no other choice but to concede. “No. I don’t want to be in the way.”

“That’s good.” He nodded. “TJ will work her ass off to make sure Mel’s ok.”

“Everyone on board likes her, don’t they?”

“Not much not to like.”

“Not like me.”

“You’re a damn pain in the ass is what you are. I don’t trust you, but she has to see something no one else does in you. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop watching you, but I’m not gonna question her about it. I don’t understand women, and that’s a fact.”

“I could study it for a hundred years and never understand why.”

“You never understand that kind of feelin’. You just accept it and pray to God you don’t fuck it up.”

“But you think I will, don’t you?”

“Snake are snakes. Can’t pretend they’re birds.”

Rush scowled, willing to give an angry retort and coming up empty. As much as Greer was paranoid and military through and through he had no reason to lie and no obligation to comfort the scientist who had tried more than once to influence the leadership of the ship at the cost of his commander. TJ came out with tears in her eyes.

“Rush, I think you ought to be in here.”

His heart hit the floor like stone and stayed there, his eyes smarting with tears that threatened to start falling against his will. His limbs felt heavy as lead, refusing to obey him and travel into the room. His throat was dry as the desert they’d just been at. Still, he managed his question, even if it came out as just over a whisper.

“She’s dying, TJ?”

The lack of response was plenty. Greer gave him a gentle shove into the room, the both of them leaving him alone while Mel struggled to breath on the table in front of him. The thought of losing her terrified him, as losing Gloria had terrified him. He moved to her side, half of him demanding that he turn around and get the hell out of there as quickly as he possibly could. He didn’t not want to witness the death of another woman he loved, even if he hadn’t been able to explore it yet, or let it fully bloom. Instead, he took a seat on the stool by her side and held her hand.

“Mel.” He choked on her name. It took precious minutes for him to get his voice back under control. “Don’t do this. You’re stronger than a bloody flower. Fight this!”

Her breathing stilled. He let the silence settle around him and it felt suffocating.

“We’ll put you in your place among the stars, Melanie, I promise you that.”

He’d use the stones personally to contact Major Holtz and tell him what became of his daughter. The man deserved to know, even if he was military. He was a father, too, and one she had wanted to please. Because she cared, he did too.

“Tamara,” he radioed the medic, his voice gravelly and broken with holding back tears.

She came in and saw Mel, and Rush’s face, and her eyes flooded. She radioed the colonel to come to the infirmary unable to hide her grief. Everyone that could hear knew what was happening, and what this meant. No few of them gathered at the still.

Mel gasped, dragging in a long, hard breath, starling the hell out of the man by her side.

“Melanie!?” 

He turned toward her, estimating she’d been dead a minute or two. She was breathing on her own and though it was a little shallow, it sounded stronger to him. Dumbfounded, he handed the care of her over to the just as shocked medic. 

“Her fever’s broken.”

TJ sounded optimistic, her tears still streaming down her cheeks as she checked her patient’s vital signs.

“Will she live?”

“I don’t know, but I have hope.”


	8. Come Back To Me

He hadn’t believed in God since before Gloria died. 

He was raised Catholic, attending Mass with his family every Sunday in Glasgow. He attended church with her, too, because she enjoyed it and though his mind bent only to science he tried very hard to believe for her sake. She got something out of it that he had never understood, even when he tried to break it down in small, manageable terms. His genius hadn’t helped because each time he had tried to think about it logically all of the reasoning had come back illogical. He couldn’t prove God in the way he proved science. He couldn’t quantify it, or faith, and he certainly couldn’t create any sort of test to prove that God existed. What his wife managed to grasp, that eluded him time and time again, was that faith was about something more than proof. 

When she was first diagnosed, despite his misgivings, he had prayed for her. He prayed that she would be healed so that he would not lose the most vital part of his life. He had prayed even when he suspected that he would have no answer, on days when she was suffering, for relief from the torments that cancer, and chemotherapy, had laid at her door. She went into remission and he had allowed himself hope. He had also allowed himself the smallest bit of faith. 

When the cancer came back, stronger than ever, and he saw her withering despite treatment he got angry. His hard won faith was shattered when his prayers had no effect on her condition at all. Worse, his concrete belief in science was failing him because it could not cure her. Logically, he knew her cancer was among one of the hardest types to treat, but when it came to losing his heart, all of the best parts of himself, he had believed that the path he had devoted his life to would come through for him in his time of need. Perhaps that was the same as hoping that God might restore her to health, but at least his belief was quantifiable. He could prove the science, there was a chance for her, no matter how small. In the end it didn’t help her. She slipped away from his grasp despite medicine, and certainly despite God. 

He hadn’t tried to believe since. Everything good about him had died with Gloria and the only thing he took comfort in was his work. Now that it was all happening to him again he wasn’t sure he could stand it. She wouldn’t wake up. He was at her bedside as much as he could be but her condition didn’t improve. Days passed, then a week, two weeks. He threw himself into work and pushed his body for days in his lab, working until he collapsed, only to wake up and do it again. He went to see her at first but then as time passed he couldn’t bring himself to sit by her bedside any longer. Eli stayed close to him in order to keep an eye out, but otherwise tried not to get in the way of Rush’s quick anger. The scientist wasn’t used to feeling impotent when it came to something important to him and he was just as angry with it now as he had been when his wife died.

Without warning he let out a loud cry and pushed everything off the table he’d been working on, scattering it across the lab floor. His hands were balled into fists, his face a mask of anger and pain. Eli had started to move toward him when he heard a voice that stopped him from going anywhere.

“Hey Nick.”

“Not right now, Mel,” the other growled automatically. “I’m -”

His head jerked up to see her leaning against the doorway looking haggard but smiling at him. The surprise that painted his face only lasted a moment, as did his disbelief. His expression slackened immediately after that and he crossed the room, heedless of anyone that might see him, and gathered her in his arms. He held her to him for long minutes, unspeaking, reassuring himself that this was not a dream. He’d had those too often to count over the last few weeks and needed to be sure he wasn’t, as had been suggested in the interim, losing his mind. Blessedly, she clung to him as well and he felt how weak she was in his arms. Pulling away, he smoothed her hair away from her face and studied her, kissing her forehead to reassure them both. 

“When did you wake up? What are you doing out of bed? Mel, why didn’t TJ radio or stop you from walking about?”

“I guess she’ll be as upset as you are that I’m up when she finds out.”

He was equal parts proud and dismayed by her sneakiness and led her inside to a chair. He knelt down beside her, unable to let go, and sighed softly. Eli took that as his cue to exit not wanting to intrude. Besides, someone needed to tell TJ where to find her patient, if the answer wasn’t already obvious to anyone on board. 

“We almost lost you.”

Though it was on the tip of his tongue he didn’t dare confess how unthinkable that would have been or how his heart broke when she’d died for that very long minute. 

“Never scare me like that again, Melanie.”

“I’ll try not to.”

“See that you don’t.”

“I heard you, Nick. When I was in the infirmary I was aware things weren’t the way they were supposed to be. I heard you when you were talking to me. I couldn’t make out the words but I knew you were there and it was comforting. I wanted to get back here to you because I could hear the worry in your tone but then you just stopped talking.”

“There was work to be done on the ship.”

“It was a long time.”

“There was a lot of work.”

“Things come and go. I think I remember something, but then it fades. The only thing that stays is you. When you stopped coming I fought harder to get back to you but I couldn’t find the way out. It was like being trapped in a maze and I just had to turn the right corner. It took forever.”

“I know I should have come. I’m sorry I didn’t, Mel, but you have to understand that I watched you die. You were gone for nearly a full minute and…”

“It spooked you.”

He looked up sharply at her, unwilling to admit that it had and wondering how in the hell she knew. He couldn’t watch her wither away as he had watched Gloria, taking with it any hope he had of finding something good again, deep down. She saw it, that meant it had to exist but he couldn’t see it yet. Even so, he was afraid of losing it because this might be his last chance to find that spark and keep it alive. From here there was literally no going home again. It was much too important a discovery to abandon. 

“It’s ok.” She touched his hand. “I’m here now.”

He picked up her hand and pressed it to his cheek, leaning against it. “I missed you,” he admitted quietly.

“I missed you, too, Nick.”

“What are you doing out of bed?” The question burst forth from the doorway where an exasperated medic stood. Her hands were on her hips interrupting a tender moment without much care. “You should be in the infirmary resting.”

“I’ve had enough rest, TJ.”

“I’ll say when you’ve had enough rest. You nearly died on us, Mel. I’m not risking it a second time because you want to be stubborn.”

“Give us a minute, TJ, will you?”

The blond frowned and then relented when she realized she had interrupted something important. 

“One minute.”

She turned to leave, standing vigil just outside the doorway and Rush went to speak before he found his lips pressed to hers. Barely missing a beat he returned her kiss and wrapped his arms around her. This time there was no chance to resist, no impulse to. For the first time in a long time he felt his heart beating as it hammered in his chest. He’d resisted before, memories and his own logic holding him back. Being without her taught him he did not want to miss this opportunity again. Apparently she had not changed her mind about the caustic scientist, which suited him just fine. He was cautious not to let it go too far, breaking from her before their minute was up. 

“You kissed me.”

“I noticed.” She looked at him. “You kissed me back.”

“I did.”

“I think you like me, Nick.”

“I think I do, too.”

“Good.”

“Everything settled?”

TJ’s voice called from outside the door, trying her best to give them privacy. It had been almost sweet watching him by her bedside for as long as he’d been there and she found she had a new insight into him. If nothing else, Mel seemed to be able to keep him from causing too much trouble which was better for Young and whatever was better for Young was better for the rest of the ship. The medic escorted her to the infirmary with the scientist following along without being asked. She was put on one of the tables and prodded until she wanted to scream.

“I’m ok, TJ. I feel weak, but I’m glad to be awake. Please don’t try to make me go back to sleep.”

“I can’t explain it.” The blond shook her head, studying the other woman. “The best I can figure is that those fish had something in their saliva that helped combat the poison. I’m not sure what reason they would have to do so, but they might have saved your life.”

“That’s incredible.”

“I wish we’d been able to get a few to study, maybe to eat, but there wasn’t time.”

“I’m sorry to have worried everyone.”

“We’re just glad you’re alright.”

“If you’re going to make me rest some more, can I at least rest in my own room?”

She frowned as she considered the request but relented after a few good minutes of thought. 

“Someone will need to be with you at all times for a few days, in case you relapse.”

“I’ll do it.” Rush wasted no time volunteering. Both ladies smiled. 

“You can’t do it alone, but if you want first watch, I’m not going to stop you. I know better by now.”


End file.
